Roll Me In Designer Sheets
The date is quickly approaching that the next major step in my major life event can occur. And each morning that I wake up I feel a little bit more sad. And a little more free. All at the same time. It's such a weird feeling to be happy and sad all wrapped up together like those gross Hugs that Hershey's makes. It's exactly like that. Happy chocolate wrapped up in a gross white chocolate sad.
As I sit around and I let my mind wander and ponder and other sorts of onder things I've realized something. I do miss having someone there to hug me when I need one. I miss having someone there that has inside jokes with me. I miss being able to just casually touch someone as I pass by them in the hall. Or while brushing our teeth. Or whenever. I miss knowing that someone loved me. Someone cared about me. I had that. And it's gone. And I miss all of that...
But...I don't miss him. And I'm not really sure if I have missed him at all. And that's odd to me. We were in love. For a long time. Shouldn't I miss him a little? Am I all cold and dead inside? Did I ever really love him? Did I really ever care? Or is this just my mind telling me this is the right thing and to just move on already. I don't know. I just find it odd that I know that I miss those other things, the comfort things, but not the person who was giving them to me.
posted by Itchy @ 1:17 PM
8 Comments:
You are healing. Good for you. I had rather brush my teeth alone every day than with someone I'm not in love with. If you want true companionship get a dog.
I SO totally get that.
You got hotter since you slit up, didn't you? Women always get hotter after a breakup. It's a rule or something.
split. split up.
It totally makes sense. I miss the things more than the man all the time.
I remember this feeling. It's like having something amputated. It's not that you specifically miss that diseased limb that you lopped off, but still, there is a void there where it used to be.
You will find something to fill it with. And, you will find it within yourself.
Coffeypot: Already got two my man.
Cathy: So, I'm not a cold dead robot? Or...you're one too!
Anonymous: I can't help but be hotter now. I'm actually hotter each day. Every damned day of my life I wake up hotter and hotter. Has nothing to do with the split. It's just my innate hotness coming out. True story.
Randi: It still confuses me. Enough love to marry the person and be happy for years and years and now? Nothing. Weird. Unless I am, in fact, a cold dead robot. And then I'll just begin formulating my plan to take over the world. With poisonous gases.
Trouble: I know you're right. I do. It was just kinda weird when I realized this truth...
Yeah, been there. And I understand the part about your comment to Randi, too.
For me, at least, it felt like something inside me that used to work had just been switched off. I felt nothing for him at all.
But, when you have done your time, you will find those feelings coming back, for someone else, and it will be a good thing.
it's funny, there are several blogs I used to read when I was first getting divorced and they were married. And now, they're getting divorced, and I'm an old experienced divorcee. Life goes in circles.
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